Focus Group Summaries

A-spec Focus Group Part 1 Key Points

Not seen any TV with intentionally ace characters
Notable examples of shows with a-spec characters: Heartbreak High, Sex Education, BoJack Horseman
Learning about a-spec identities from internet
Learning about a-spec identities from friends
A-spec is a spectrum, not just one thing
Asexuality more complicated than just never having sex
Someone on the ace spectrum could still experience sexual attraction
Ace people can still have had sex
Awareness of a-spec among most people is fucking dogshit
Unhappy with restrictions placed on relationships
Romantic love is put on a pedestal
Thinking romance shouldn’t be such a big deal
People view being ace as a lack
Allo people don’t understand a-spec people
Not having sex doesn’t mean you’re missing out
Coming to terms with your identity can be traumatic/a very negative experience
Difficult to accept your own a-spec identity
Difficult to accept yourself because of what you’ve been taught
Accepting self is a complicated journey
Difficult to accept aromanticism because of what they’ve been taught
Taught that you’re missing out if you’re not interested in romance
Romantic love used to prove humanity in media
TV shows usually portray characters who aren’t interested in sex/romance as becoming interested in it eventually
Assumption that a-spec identity can be changed/fixed
Sex viewed as a need
Allo people don’t understand how ace people can exist
Most a-spec people are fixed in their identity
Media is anti-ace
Identifying as a-spec takes time
People will explore their identity and might not be certain they’re ace
People assume you have to try sex/romance to know you don’t want it
You can know what asexuality is and still not realise you’re asexual
A-spec people having v different experiences to allo peers
People judge ace people in relationships
Parents/family as a source of pressure
Healthcare system/professionals as a source of pressure
Impacted by pronatalism
Impacted by amatonormativity
Healthcare professionals asking intrusive questions about sex
What counts as sex is more complicated than people assume
Sexualisation of trans people
Asexuality is not just one thing - umbrella term
Not all ace people don’t want to have/don’t enjoy sex
Societal expectations make no sense
People assume ace people can’t enjoy any kind of intimacy
Enjoying flirting etc. without it being sexual
Things typically seen as sexual don’t have to be sexual
Treating flirting differently than a non a-spec person would
Experiencing self doubt about being ace
Can be fully ace or partially ace
Assumed that acting in a certain way has to lead to sex
You don’t owe people sex
Fear of being blamed for “leading people on”
Fear of negative consequences of acting in a certain way without wanting sex
People who aren’t a-spec will read the situation very differently
Questioning common ideas about love
Not seeing platonic and romantic love as different
Frustrated by assumptions about their behaviour
Having people assume you want a relationship you don’t because of how you act
Accused of leading people on
Shouldn’t be blamed for leading other people on - it’s on the other person for making assumptions
You don’t owe people anything based on assumptions they’ve made
People shouldn’t make assumptions based on your behaviour
Surprised/upset by people expressing romantic interest in them
Not realising when other people have romantic intentions
Viewing typically romantic interactions differently than non a-spec people
Line between romantic and platonic feels arbitrary
Panicking at being asked on a date
Surprised other people view their relationship as possibly romantic
Pressure from victim blaming in society
Feeling forced into relationships they don’t want
Importance of consent
Don’t like different types of relationships being treated differently
Strict expectations for life/relationship path
People don’t think being friends is enough
Took a long time to accept being a-spec and not wanting a romantic relationship
Too many people put too much emphasis on romantic relationships
Rebelling against societal norms
There’s a stereotype of the personality for a-spec people
People assume a-spec people are emotionless/unfeeling
People put romantic love on a pedestal above other emotions
People connect a-spec to inhumanity
People assume asexuality doesn’t exist
People assume anyone who says they’re ace is lying
People assume a-spec people are just repressed
People assume a-spec people are just focused on career over relationships
People assume that a-spec people must behave in a certain way
A-spec people feel dehumanised
People assume that ace people are angry and horrible
People assume that ace people are just undesirable/unattractive/incels
A-spec people assumed to have something wrong with them
A-spec people assumed to be in the wrong
Stereotypes about ace people are inaccurate
Real ace people are very loving and easygoing
People assume ace people are just traumatised
Ace people get infantilised
A-spec people get dehumanised
Ace community/culture has disappeared due to discrimination
Importance of community
Double edged sword of the internet
Importance of internet/social media in building community
Community in physical spaces as well
Non a-spec people don’t understand a-spec people’s experiences
Positive experience getting to interact with other a-spec people
Made to feel crazy for wanting things to change
Feeling like you’re crazy for getting upset by societal pressure
Annoyed that so many people prioritise romantic relationships over other relationships
Feeling like something’s wrong with you bc you feel differently to your peers
Romantic relationships shouldn’t be so prioritised
A-spec and non a-spec people both impacted by societal norms around relationships
A-spec and non a-spec people can sometimes have the same problems
Societal pressure making people feel like they’re wrong to feel certain ways
Frustrated by assumption everything is romantic
Societal pressure - one correct path
People assume everything has to be romantic
Sex seen as necessary for a romantic relationship to be “valid”
People don’t see relationships without sex as real
Ace experiences not portrayed enough in media

A-spec Focus Group Part 2 Key Points

Importance of community/having other a-spec people
Putting in a definition of asexuality feels unnatural
Way asexuality is talked about and defined in the shows is unrealistic - no one actually talks like that
More realistic to not know all of the terminology
Language/labelling feels unnatural
Asexuality can be accepted in relationships
Asexuality causing pushback in a relationship is realistic/relatable
Heartbreak High representing ace experiences in a relationship very well
Realistic for asexuality to lead to difficulties in a relationship
A-spec people can’t conform to societal norms
Realistic to show a-spec characters having difficulties in relationships
Interest/lack of interest in sex can be a big deal or even a dealbreaker in a relationship
Allo people in relationships with ace people might take asexuality personally
Difficult to convince partner it’s not about them
People shouldn’t take partner’s asexuality personally
Figuring out you’re asexual is frustrating
Depicting figuring out asexuality as frustrating = realistic/relatable
Feelings of the person figuring out they’re ace should be most important
Asexuality not something that can be compromised on
It’s understandable that someone who’s not a-spec might not be able to make a relationship with an a-spec person work
Asexuality one of the few things you can’t compromise on in a relationship
A-spec people infantilised/treated as immature
Sex repulsed people especially infantilised
Sex Education made it seem ace character was lying about asexuality
Sex Education portraying ace character as manipulative
Ghosting isn’t that bad - sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do
Fear of leading someone on accidentally causes panic
Feeling like it’s your fault for leading someone on
O’s behaviour made to look worse than it was
O treated unfairly in the show
Ace characters often portrayed as cold/manipulative
Game of Thrones portraying ace character as cold and manipulative
Link in fiction between lack of interest in sex and ambition
Often characters are portrayed as not wanting sex because they have another goal
Showrunners must know that ace people exist even if they’re not mentioned in the show
Plots of the shows influenced by their target audience e.g. teen shows are more “drama focused”
Negative stereotype of a-spec people being inhuman
Can still enjoy characters that are stereotypical
Game of Thrones portrays asexuality in a casual way
Inaccurate to portray ace people as unfeeling/not caring about anyone
Unrealistic to portray ace characters as not being distracted by desire
Desire comes in many forms not just sexual
Ace people get distracted too
There should be a balance of different types of ace characters
Someone having sex doesn’t mean they’re necessarily asexual
Being ace/aro isn’t the only reason to not be interested in sex and relationships
People who aren’t ace can still live without sex
Asexuality more about whether or not you feel attraction than how you feel about sex
Ace people can be happy having sex
Trope of character who is focused on power over sex is unrealistic
Don’t want all ace characters to be innocent/perfect/childlike
Characters shouldn’t just be completely perfect
Doesn’t make sense to conflate ambition/interest in power with lack of interest in sex
Lack of awareness means shows feel they have to provide a definition of asexuality every time
Game of Thrones portrays not wanting sex as an evil trait
Appreciates shows depicting characters not understanding asexuality/being ignorant
What makes good representation is subjective
Impossible to have a perfect ace character
TV portrays asexuality as never having a cause
It’s ok for people to identify as asexual if their lack of interest in sex is caused by trauma
It’s ok for people to identify as asexual with a cause behind it
If asexuality is depicted as having a cause it’s depicted as needing to be fixed
Some people don’t have a reason for being ace and some people do and that’s ok
Wide variety of experiences within the ace community
All different types of ace people should get to be represented
People already assume asexuality is caused by trauma
Having a reason why you’re asexual doesn’t make you not asexual
Having a cause for asexuality isn’t necessarily a bad thing
Representations of asexuality aren’t nuanced enough
Representation should be relevant to the plot of the show
BoJack Horseman named as one of the best representations of asexuality
Usually ace people are portrayed as the weird ones
BoJack Horseman portraying non ace people as the weird ones
Some representations of asexuality (e.g. Legends of Tomorrow) just seem to exist to make the show seem more progressive
Showing struggles of asexuality makes it more relatable
Paying lip service to the idea of asexuality being difficult is not relatable
Representations not exploring enough of the character and their sexuality
Having the character accept that they’re asexual immediately is poor writing
Representation that isn’t interwoven naturally with the plot is lazy
Overrepresentation of characters who are just realising they’re asexual rather than characters who already know
Too much focus on characters realising they’re asexual and not what comes after that
The Imperfects is relatable because it brings up the worry of leading people on/people being attracted to you when you don’t want that
Showing struggles = more realistic/relatable
Too much focus on struggles/problems
If you’re portraying the hardships you should portray them seriously
The Imperfects doesn’t take difficulties of being ace seriously enough
Asexual people’s struggles not taken seriously/made into a joke
Imperfects is good because it shows a character who already identifies as asexual
Imperfects is good because it doesn’t make asexuality into a big deal
Sexuality is a more important part of your identity than your job
Sexuality is one of the most important aspects of someone’s identity
Not wanting people to be interested in you is a problem for ace people
People expect ace people to be cold/unfeeling
Personality and sexuality can impact each other
Lack of interest in sex/sexual things should be respected even for people who aren’t ace
Heartbreak High is good because the ace character is not stereotypical
Working class people assumed to be more sexual
Ace people assumed to be innocent
Heartbreak High is good because the ace character isn’t someone you’d typically expect to be ace
Not enough asexual characters
Almost no representation of aromantic characters - we need more!
Media puts too much emphasis on romantic love
Not enough portrayals of a-spec characters figuring out their own identity on their own
Current a-spec representation has too many scenes that don’t feel natural - just reading a definition
Not enough portrayals of internet playing a role in realisation
Not enough shows with multiple asexual characters
Not enough representations of characters who aren’t interested in sex/romance without being ace/aro
Not enough portrayals of sex repulsed characters
Not enough portrayals of aro characters or characters who don’t need romantic relationships
Usually not thinking about sex unless it comes up in conversation
Had a very different experience to non a-spec peers growing up
Not enough representation of a-spec characters with more complicated relationships to sex
Upper class people seen as less sexual
People wouldn’t expect a working class person to be asexual
Sexism impacts how ace people are viewed
Not enough portrayals of the community
Not enough portrayals of different relationship types

Non A-spec Focus Group Part 1 Key Points

Learning about a-spec from internet/social media
Asexuality isn’t very visible
More aware of asexuality than aromanticism
Found it harder to understand aromanticism than asexuality
Understanding of aromanticism has got better
Still don’t fully understand aromanticism
Key case studies mentioned: Sex Education, Heartstopper, Game of Thrones
Can’t think of a lot of representations of a-spec
BoJack Horseman is a memorable portrayal of asexuality
Learned/understood more about a-spec through reading a book about an a-spec character
Societal norms make people feel they have to be in a relationship
Book helped understand how people could want to not engage with sex/romance
Romance is personally important to them but can understand it’s not important to everyone
People put too much emphasis on romance
Too much pressure on people to be in a relationship
Doesn’t know a lot about a-spec
Ace people deal with assumptions that everyone is interested in sex
Seeing discussions about asexuality online/on social media
Can understand a-spec people exist but can’t fully understand their perspective/experience
Can’t relate to a-spec experience
Only understands the basic concepts
Everyone is different
Concept of a-spec makes sense/is easy to understand
People put a lot of emphasis on sex and romance
Emphasis on sex and romance makes it hard to realise a-spec people exist
You assume that everyone is interested in sex/romance
Sex and romance aren’t the only meaningful things in life
A-spec people can still be in relationships
A-spec is a spectrum not just one thing
Sex and romance are very important to them but can understand they’re not important to everyone
Can relate to some parts of the a-spec experience as a fellow queer person
Understanding asexuality theoretically
Seeing asexuality as an exception to the rule
At first thought a-spec people were just more goal-oriented
What they initially learned about a-spec was incorrect/overly simplified
Ace people aren’t just goal oriented or more focused on power
Learning about a-spec through online queer communities
Knowing a-spec people in real life
Learning about a-spec from peers
Thought of romance and sex as always going together before dating an ace person
Learned about asexuality along with other LGBT identities
A lot of other people wouldn’t learn about asexuality along with other LGBT identities
There’s still a lot they don’t understand about a-spec
Knowing a-spec people online
A-spec can mean different things to different people
Could learn more about a-spec
Feeling very disconnected from a-spec
Knowing people who thought they were ace and then started identifying another way
Knowing ace people
Ace people probably don’t want to talk about sex/sexuality
Might be wrong about ace people not wanting to talk about sex
Asexuality doesn’t just mean not having sex
Ace people can still have sex
Ace people understand sexuality and sex different from non ace people
Some ace people might be interested in sex but some might be repulsed by it
Some ace people don’t enjoy sex but some do
Not sure how much they know
Prioritisation of sex and romance is probably hard for a-spec people
Romance is treated as a universal part of life/human nature
A-spec people would disagree with the idea that romance is universal or human nature
Interested in deconstructing the idea that romance is universal
Interested in neurology/psychology of it
Must be difficult to figure out you’re a-spec
Curious about how realising you’re a-spec and coming out works
QPRs associated with asexuality
Have heard of the concept but don’t know what it means
Not understanding what QPRs are
Must be difficult to realise you lack certain feelings
Don’t know enough to know what they don’t know
Curious about how a-spec people are affected by society
Curious about hardships or negative aspects of being a-spec
Learned more about hardships faced by a-spec people in society by reading a book
Ace people must be under a lot of pressure to not be ace
Ace people are probably made to feel like there’s something wrong with them
Curious about ace people throughout history
Curious about where a-spec people fit in wider queer culture
Feeling like a-spec people don’t belong in wider more sexualised queer culture
Ace people probably not comfortable being around sexualisation
Ace people probably feel alienated from wider queer community
Ace people might be comfortable with things that are traditionally seen as sexual

Non A-spec Focus Group Part 2 Key Points

Ace characters usually in groups that are traditionally desexualised e.g. plus size people, Asian people, “nerdy” people
White attractive women less likely to be portrayed as ace
White attractive women portrayed as ace if they have another trait that makes them seen as less sexual e.g. nerdiness
Rejection of sex/romance depicted as freeing
Rejection of sex/romance depicted as a positive not a negative
Asexuality connected with inhumanness in shows
Asexuality depicted as something subhuman/something that people want to fix
Heartbreak High portrays non a-spec people as not understanding a-spec people
Everyone could benefit from questioning norms about sex and romance
People who aren’t asexual or aromantic could benefit from learning about it
A-spec is more than just a lack
Sex Education gives a good definition of asexuality and is educational
TV shows focus more on asexuality vs aromanticism
Curious when focus would be on aromanticism specifically
Aromanticism only ever talked about in conjunction with asexuality
Depictions matched up to existing understanding
Good to explain what a-spec is
Bringing a-spec up casually is also good
Bringing a-spec up casually and not having to define it makes it feel more normal
Giving a definition in shows is necessary
People don’t understand a-spec as well as they do other parts of the queer community
Shouldn’t be trying to just make yourself look progressive
Absurd for someone who’s not asexual to wish they were asexual
TV shows have a good range of depicting a-spec characters in more high stakes situations and in more casual accepting situations
Depictions are fairly balanced in terms of gender
A lot of ace characters are depicted as ambitious and wanting power over sex
Not wanting sex conflated with having other ambitious goals
Depicting ace characters as all super ambitious is inaccurate
Would want to see more grounded everyday portrayals of a-spec
A-spec characters often depicted as feeling broken
Asexuality associated with inhumanity
Asexuality associated with negative feelings in TV
There’s a big focus on asexuality in the context of people having feelings for the ace characters
Ace person and non ace person in a relationship is an interesting subject
Curious about what a-spec people’s experiences are like after coming out
Curious about what challenges a-spec people might face after coming out
Asexual coming out is associated more with negative emotions than other coming out scenes
Sex Education links asexuality to ghosting people
Connecting ghosting to asexuality is inaccurate
Ace people are probably still comfortable talking about sex
Asexuality not associated with positive feelings
Lack of interest in sex is a problem that needs to be resolved
Identifying as asexual solves the problem
TV makes asexuality seem like a medical problem
There should be more TV shows portraying positive things about being a-spec
Maybe a-spec people in real life can relate to the negative feelings in the shows
Maybe a-spec people in real life do experience mostly negative feelings around coming out
Not sure if a-spec people experience negative feelings around coming out
No portrayals of a-spec people coming out to parents/family
A-spec coming out scenes depicted differently to other queer coming out scenes
People are never assumed to be ace
Ace people are invisible
Ace people usually won’t need to come out to authority figures in their lives
Ace people wouldn’t need to come out to parents
Maybe the assumption that ace people wouldn’t need to come out to parents is wrong
Heartbreak High was educational in how it depicted a character realising they were ace
Shows depict asexuality as something you discover by trying things out
In real life a lot of people probably don’t need to try things out to know they’re ace
Finding romantic media very moving
A-spec people wouldn’t be moved by romantic media
Not enough media about bonds that aren’t sexual or romantic
Depictions/explanations of a-spec in TV are superficial or only focus on the negative
Being a-spec is probably more complicated than how TV depicts it
Sexuality is more complicated than depicted in TV
TV doesn’t depict enough different ways people realise they’re a-spec
TV doesn’t portray enough of the lived experiences of a-spec people
Rest of the shows beyond these scenes might have more depth and complexity to them
BoJack Horseman has a great example of an asexual character
TV depictions of a-spec are quite homogenous
TV should depict a-spec characters of more different ages etc.
A-spec characters in TV are mostly just teenagers
People’s experiences of asexuality will be influenced by other aspects of their lives
Portrayals of asexuality now are similar to portrayals of gay characters in the 90s
TV at the moment only depicts one type of asexual person

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